Don’t Taze Me Bro!

I was working with a fourth grade class and we were looking at insulators and conductors. They students were working in groups of three and each group had a battery, light bulb and socket and three test leads with alligator clips. The assignment was to have an open circuit and the students would put various items between the test leads to see which items were insulators or conductors. They were all moving around and working well when I heard a boy shout from the back of the room in a real burn-out accent (whatever that means) “Don’t taze me bro!” and he was holding the electrodes towards his chest. His team mates laughed and I laughed inside and they went right back to work.

Increase Your P

I swear I am not obsessed with urination. So I am teaching students who to calculate thermal energy which in its most basic definition is the total of the potential and kinetic energy in a piece of matter. On the board we were representing kinetic energy as K and potential as P and I asked “How would the P increase?” An entire 6th grade laughed, as did I.

Really?

Sometimes it feels real good to be a teacher and simple things make my weekend. I have a prep during the last period on Friday and usually walk out with the students. As I was leaving a 6th grader asked me a question, but before we get to that we need some background on her.

She is super intelligent and very full of herself. But I have always felt that that self confidence is masking a lot of insecurity. “Beth” does all kinds of things to make her popular, she dressed incredibly, is very pretty and has no problem using her looks, charm, and style to make herself stand out.

Because of Election day and our Parent-Teacher conferences I have not had her class for a while and I have not given them their test grades back. Unlike my third grade test this one was very hard and the grade average was way lower than I would have liked it to have been. So as I was leaving Beth said “Hi Mr. R, have a nice weekend. Oh BTW, how did I do on my science test?”

I replied “I don’t remember but I am sure you did fine, I would have remembered if you didn’t do well?”

Beth “What do you mean?”

“Beth you are very smart and I expect you to do well and if you didn’t I would have remembered.” I said as I was getting ready to walk away from her.

Her face lit up in a huge smile and she said excitedly “Really?”

I replied “Yes, and have a great weekend Beth” and headed to my car feeling good that I made her day and maybe added some true confidence into her psyche.

Love That Dirty Water

Doing a lesson on volume and how matter cannot be in two places at the same time. “Class, what happens when you get in the tub?”
Mary ” You sink”
Me “Excellent answer, what happens to the water?”
Eric” The water turns gray.”
Sorry I had to laugh

Zap

I finally got around to getting my Van De Graff generator working again since I am going to be teaching static electricity next week. The famous trick is to have a child hold it and when it cranks up their hair stands on end. The kids love it and it really gets them engaged in the lesson. I was testing it with some fifth graders and when they were done they would touch me to shoot a shock at me. I could discharge them another way but they like it and it doesn’t bother me. Well it didn’t until yesterday. Sandra stepped off the stool after he hair stood on end and she was losing her balance and reached out to grab the desk that I was standing next to her. I went to grab her and I saw a blue spark shoot out of her hand and right to my pants zipper. The way I was “dressed” today meant that the spark hit me right on the tip of where no guy wants to get shocked.

I will now discharge the students another way.

Pomp and Circumstance

(A few weeks back)

I was doing a lesson and introduced graduated cylinders to 2nd graders. I asked if they knew what they were called and with a few of them we got it out of them. Then a little girl raised her hand and said “Like graduated from school?” and as I said “Yes” I heard another little six-year old humming “Pomp and Circumstance”

The Chinks

(A few weeks back)

We were in teams making cars that were powered by rubber bands and trying to see whose card could go the furthest. I had one group of rather intelligent Asian boys working together. Part of their assignment was to come up with a team name and I overheard one of them say “We should call ourselves The Chinks.” I leaned in and said “How about another name?” and walked away and I overheard one say “Asian Pride” which would have been acceptable but not really the multi-cultural ideals we try to have in my school.

So when I asked them their team name in front of the class I was nervous and one blurted out “Walmart Security.” Where the hell that came from I have no idea?

Nuts?

This happened a few weeks back:
I was teaching a lesson on levers and letting a bunch of sixth graders use levers. The load they were lifting was a hex nut, that I supplied them. After they did a few different experiments and wrote some predictions they children were handed a second nut to test their theories.

The students were all at different points in the lesson and it was loud in the room, so I clapped to get their attention and when they all stopped I asked “Does anyone need a second nut?” suddenly most of the boys laughed and I had to stifle a giggle.

No one admitted that they only had one nut.

So yesterday I talked about my gas in class. Well today in my last period class someone had gas and the kids were trying to figure out who it was. When we were lined up a kid said “Mr. R, someone is farting and it stinks.”

I replied “Yes I do smell it and no it wasn’t me” and I wasn’t lying today.

Crop Dusting

So today I ate some strange Chinese prepackaged meal I never had before for lunch. After lunch I have three straight hours of classes with no breaks, which also means no bathroom breaks. Whatever I ate didn’t sit right and my stomach was percolating and not feeling great. I felt gas in my stomach and I was uncomfortable, and I was debating whether to wait out the last forty-five minutes or see if I could find someone so I could use the bathroom.

I decided to wait it out, which in hindsight wasn’t the best choice. I had a room full of 27 fourth-graders and a rumbling stomach and I needed to pass gas, I needed to do it bad. So I hatched a plan, the first step of which was to get the class loud in case a sound came out. I got them excited and debating about diets of herbivores and carnivores, then I walked towards a spot of the room away from them and I let loose. It was silent but it was nasty smelling. Before it could waif to them I headed back to the group and as I walked through another escaped, I was crop dusting. Maybe ten seconds later I hear “Ill someone farted.”, another kid blamed another. I just commented “Yes someone did have gas and if they need to use the bathroom they should have asked.”

Sometimes you have to do, what you have to do. <Shrug>