Zap

I finally got around to getting my Van De Graff generator working again since I am going to be teaching static electricity next week. The famous trick is to have a child hold it and when it cranks up their hair stands on end. The kids love it and it really gets them engaged in the lesson. I was testing it with some fifth graders and when they were done they would touch me to shoot a shock at me. I could discharge them another way but they like it and it doesn’t bother me. Well it didn’t until yesterday. Sandra stepped off the stool after he hair stood on end and she was losing her balance and reached out to grab the desk that I was standing next to her. I went to grab her and I saw a blue spark shoot out of her hand and right to my pants zipper. The way I was “dressed” today meant that the spark hit me right on the tip of where no guy wants to get shocked.

I will now discharge the students another way.

Five and Dime

I gave a test last week to all my fourth-graders. The test consisted of 20 multiple choice questions and when grading them one student got a grade of 5% and another got a grade of 10%. I swear how do these kids make it to the fourth grade and is it possible to get only one out of twenty questions correct on a multiple choice test?

Pomp and Circumstance

(A few weeks back)

I was doing a lesson and introduced graduated cylinders to 2nd graders. I asked if they knew what they were called and with a few of them we got it out of them. Then a little girl raised her hand and said “Like graduated from school?” and as I said “Yes” I heard another little six-year old humming “Pomp and Circumstance”

The Chinks

(A few weeks back)

We were in teams making cars that were powered by rubber bands and trying to see whose card could go the furthest. I had one group of rather intelligent Asian boys working together. Part of their assignment was to come up with a team name and I overheard one of them say “We should call ourselves The Chinks.” I leaned in and said “How about another name?” and walked away and I overheard one say “Asian Pride” which would have been acceptable but not really the multi-cultural ideals we try to have in my school.

So when I asked them their team name in front of the class I was nervous and one blurted out “Walmart Security.” Where the hell that came from I have no idea?

Crop Dusting

So today I ate some strange Chinese prepackaged meal I never had before for lunch. After lunch I have three straight hours of classes with no breaks, which also means no bathroom breaks. Whatever I ate didn’t sit right and my stomach was percolating and not feeling great. I felt gas in my stomach and I was uncomfortable, and I was debating whether to wait out the last forty-five minutes or see if I could find someone so I could use the bathroom.

I decided to wait it out, which in hindsight wasn’t the best choice. I had a room full of 27 fourth-graders and a rumbling stomach and I needed to pass gas, I needed to do it bad. So I hatched a plan, the first step of which was to get the class loud in case a sound came out. I got them excited and debating about diets of herbivores and carnivores, then I walked towards a spot of the room away from them and I let loose. It was silent but it was nasty smelling. Before it could waif to them I headed back to the group and as I walked through another escaped, I was crop dusting. Maybe ten seconds later I hear “Ill someone farted.”, another kid blamed another. I just commented “Yes someone did have gas and if they need to use the bathroom they should have asked.”

Sometimes you have to do, what you have to do. <Shrug>